Crashing waves

I’ve been hankering, I’ve been lacking 

I’ve been trying to mask needing you 

With every puff, every sip, every body

I’ve been trying not to carry the weight of the world

It only awakened me to deeper truths 

Seeing it all and never doing anything 

Endeavoring to shed light, trying constantly.

We knew the world, we understood it.

I wanted to build a fortress for us

I wanted to build my life around you.

But that obstacle tore us apart 

I fell in your absence

I fell into the universe and lost myself in spirituality

The more I tried to run away from my destiny 

The more I tried to fight being in the present 

It only awakened me to deeper truths

My higher self, my soul spoke to me.

It revealed many but one, one was constant

that I need you, that I needed my anchor 

I’ve been through so much pain 

With life turbulences and storms 

These growing pains, these aches 

They made me fight my true nature 

Not to deny any aspects of me 

But I love living in balance

I love it when my ocean is calm 

My ocean has been experiencing tumultuous tides

Colliding waves, I’ve been fighting for peace 

Trying not to claim any innocent souls 

Concealing my pain, trying to keep my ocean steady 

Trying not to swallow ships

Trying not to have my heart stranded ashore 

Trying to break from my discordant household

Trying not to see the evil that has fractured family

It only awakened me to deeper truths

The more I try to run from my destiny 

The more I try to run from the present

It revealed many but one, one was constant

that I need you, that I needed my anchor 

I need to be cradled, I need your gaze 

I need you to be my anchor again 

I over looked your pain because i…

I was consumed by my own 

You were wrong 

But I needed to see life through your lens 

The lens of your eyes too 

My heartache hindered me from accepting truth

The complexities of life, how fear drove you

How your pain shaped your vision 

And how it shaped mine, I was conflicted

My heartache hindered me from accepting truth

The fear of rejection was what drove you.

I was shrouded in unknowing 

This facet of humanity… 

A simple truth, love should have mattered 

I was still a student of life’s lessons.

I miss you and I’ve been trying to fill this void

This part of me you awakened 

I miss you and I’m sober now.

Got nothing to hide behind anymore 

I feel like nobody is ever 

Ever going to understand me, 

but I know you could, you would, 

especially now.